Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Oh Come, All Ye Faithful

The finale for Sex and the City’s inaugural season… What will happen, and will we like it?

So Miranda is dating someone. They have hot sex, but the guy instantly needs a hot shower. I’m all for cleaning up afterwards if things get messy, but leaving your partner in the lurch while you wash off the sin is creepy and rude.

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He blames the nuns from Catholic school. He’s this week’s monster: Catholic guy.

While doing research on religious people one Sunday, Carrie spots Big escorting a lady from church. Just as Carrie is fearing that her man fears God and has another gal, he confesses his atheism and that he always takes his mother to church.

His mother. Whoa…
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So now extended family is entering the picture.

Semi-freaked out, and overly caffeinated, Carrie vibrates away to write up her revelations.

Over the cocktails the girls are catching up on their religious experiences when Samantha shares an event of biblical proportions: she just had a five hour date with a wonderful, sexy, and perfect guy. Just everything about him is heavenly, and they haven’t even had sex yet.

Samantha passed up sex. She thinks she’s in love… Another whoa.

And she blames Charlotte for it. She even say the “M” word: marriage.

Holy shit.

Charlotte is so shaken by this event that she tries new age religion to help her discover why Samantha can get married and she can’t. A fortune teller plainly says she won’t find marriage.

Whoa again.

Later, Carrie launches a full scale invasion into Big ‘s personal life by mentioning his mother. He quickly deflects her with the promise margaritas and vacation. Booze and escapism… yeah that’s healthy for a relationship

Then Miranda tries to deflect her boyfriend from showering her sinful smell from his pure Christian body.

“There’s nothing sinful about sex,” she says which launches hell itself and results in their swift schism from each other. Talk about, “ex” communication.

Meanwhile, Samantha’s ready to give herself to James and she makes a fatal mistake. They exchange the “L” word before testing each other’s equipment. James’ love for her may have been great, but his endowment was less so.
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Adding further to Carrie’s list of shitty things she does this season, she drags Miranda along to church to stalk Big and his mother. By dropping a hymnal from the rafters or whatever, she blows her cover.

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Waiting to see Big, she blows his cover when she discovers that Big ‘s mother knows nothing of their relationship. He once again tries to dazzle her with talk of vacation to distract her from her lack of importance in his life.

Later that night Carrie is invited to gay church (not the gym) which is a disco club in an old church. Hallelujah!

She meets Stanford’s new man, while Miranda meets one of her old ones: Skipper.

Ugh.

At least he actually enjoyed wearing Miranda’s post-sex fragrance.

Samantha on the other hand is lamenting in the bathroom where she expresses her disappointment with James’ miniscule manhood. At three inches, in an excited state, there is very little the girls can do to console her, even Charlotte’s innocent inquiry in his kissing skills.

Samantha has even downgraded her love to mere like. Apparently, her love of length is greater.

Once again Charlotte tries to innocently help by asking, “How good is he with his tongue?”

That girl can really surprise you…

Hoping that she can get better fortune, she visits a phony voodoo priestess who offers to charge her to remove her marriage curse. Oh Charlotte.

While Charlotte is exploring her future, Miranda revisits her past by hooking up with Skipper, all while Samantha dreads her future with James.

The next morning, just about to leave on her vacation with Big, she asks him to tell her something that can give her more faith in their future. “Tell me I’m the one.”

Big is more concerned with missing the flight.

Now that Carrie sees his true priorities, she lets him leave her right there on the street. After all their near misses, they have finally stumbled on the final challenge: Big won’t commit to a future with Carrie.

And that is how we wrap up this season of Sex and the City. After much first season-itis and tug of war between this series’ identities, we end on a strong note that combines sex and and plot and the city all together with something that leaves us wanting more.

Charlotte wants to get married.

Miranda gets back together with Skipper.

Samantha attempts to settle down, but with a guy who can’t please her sexually.

Carrie breaks up with a man who accepted all her quirks and issues, except that he won’t make a place in his future for her.

Where do they go from here?

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