Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Old Dogs, New Dicks

Carrie doesn’t like Big looking at other chicks.

Sagacious Samantha comments that men are like that and that Carrie needs to settle down.

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Miranda is also getting used to settling down for bed, only to wake up in the middle of the night while new boyfriend Steve gets to her place late from the bar every night.

By the time she wakes for work, Steve has other work to do in the morning and that work requires Miranda’s attention.

Charlotte had been giving her attention to a new man as well. He is a good critic who uses a corny whisk reading system. How would she rate his penis, which is uncircumcised? Very poorly.

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Just to clarify, most men in America are circumcised, so this seemingly “extra” skin is a shock to most women here. So those of you for whom this isn’t a problem, or is in fact quite normal, keep in mind how sexually naive women in America are.

Sagacious Samantha one again expresses wisdom when commenting on looks being inferior to usage. Charlotte can’t get over it, referring to it as baggage. Even Carrie is indifferent due to her knowledge of statistics that most men aren’t. Miranda, usually intelligent, shows some ignorance by saying she wants to save her potential son psychological pain by inflicting physical pain with infant skin removal.

Yikes.

At least Samantha is supportive of all natural men.

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Later that night, Carrie is on a date with Big. She almost goes off on how arrogant he is after he swindles a bar if patrons into suffering his cigar smoke.

She restrains herself again when he checks out another chick.

She misses on why this bothers her while she puffs a cigar-ette of her own. Can you change a man, she muses.

And we are treated to another set of street interviews. I obviously haven’t watched season two in forever because I’ve forgotten how freaking many there are! I’m no longer going to say “thank goodness these are over” because, at this point, I have no idea when they will be over.

Just when Charlotte anxiety us about to crest over making love to her man’s extra flesh, he admits he is getting circumcised. Charlotte actually thinks this is a sweet gesture, because she’s secretly a sadist.

After more morning sex, Miranda finally has to fend off Steve. Unlike most straight men, Steve likes post coital cuddling. Unlike many straight women, Miranda hates it.

She complains about this during drag queen bingo. Samantha continues to claim that you can’t change a man. She also claims to love morning sex, which is probably true.

Then she runs into an ex. He’s in drag. He’s modeled his lady look on, you guessed it, Samantha. Apparently men can change. They can get circumcised and that can dress up like ladies.

The only man who can’t change is Big. Carrie presses this issue when she asks for a key. He evades every chance to change, but she goes to bed with him anyway. Until she is pushed out. Literally.

She smacks Big in retaliation in the nose. After attention to cool down in separate rooms and with ice, Carrie tries to chat the air by voicing her concerns.

Despite them dating again, she feels like he is the same guy from before and that she is lacking the same things from season one, and she wishes there would be more for her this time around.

Charlotte’s date had less this time around. Less skin. But he’s to fresh from the knife to do anything, leaving Charlotte desperately waiting for a man who changed his body. Just. For. Her. 

Aw… (Ew…)

Speaking of change, Miranda is hacked up on coffee and is trying to seduce Steve at 2 am. By the time she gets to the bedroom with some sexy wine, Steve is already asleep. So she gives up on her late night love attempt and asks Steve to leave for the evening.

A week later, Charlotte gets to she her man’s new naked penis, and he uses the most inaccurate and pathetic line ever: “You know this makes me a virgin?”

No. No it doesn’t. Stop it Charlotte. Just stop. But… okay she sleeps with him. They finish up only for him to break up with her so he can go share his new penis with the women of the world. Apparently Charlotte changed her man into a slut.

While regretting her candor, Big arrives to Carrie’s place with a bruised face. He admits that he’s crazy for her, even if he doesn’t give her a key. He gives her the most selfish speech about their relationship, but somehow it works. Our maybe Carrie is just desperate and will accept anything. But he spends the night at her place. Maybe there was a good change. Finally.

Another night at 2 am, Miranda gets a call from absent Steve. He asks her to look out at the blue moon. How poetic. Miranda decides to change a bit for Steve because, that’s what you do once in a blue moon.

This episode kind of regresses to the previous seasons “monster of the week” which is foreskin. It’s sad that it shows most of the main cast so scared of this issue, especially how outspoken they are against women under going plastic surgery at other points in the series. It’s kind of a double standard that it’s okay for men to mutilate their bodies but women who do are shallow and materialistic.

Regardless, we get a bit more plot development. Miranda becomes less of a stone cold heart, Charlotte begins her decent into sadistic inhumanity as she becomes more desires to snag a mate. A Samantha imparts words of wisdom.

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