Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: The Fuck Buddy

Skipper is back!

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(Ugh)

He’s bitching about how women always find a way to break up with him. Girls just aren’t that into him. It’s also funny to see how Miranda throws every break up line in the book at the poor guy.

On another date, Miranda just had dinner with Kevin, a bitchy little pipsqueak of a lawyer. All they do is bicker, but it only serves as foreplay. Miranda hates how he is bossy, except when they are having sex where he is really, really bossy.

She shares this story with the girls wearing the ugliest hat ever, and tries to make excuses for his behavior. Carrie, dressed like a Bavarian, attempts to diagnose the girls by picking out the “types” they choose.

Another interview montage plays. I’m glad I’ve stopped counting, and I’m sure the last one is coming soon. Dare I say this one? No, because I’ve been wrong before and if I am again I will lose the credibility that comes from having watched these episodes dozens of times.

Later, while in bed alone, Samantha overhears her neighbors having sex through her wall. That always sucks. I used to have neighbors a floor above me and, damn, they were loud fuckers (literally!). I thought their bed was going to cave in my ceiling and we’d wind up in the worst threesome ever. Samantha, however, uses this as an opportunity to pleasure herself, which was honestly the last thing on my mind when I heard my neighbors screwing.

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Carrie is still pining over Big and winds up calling her go to guy for post-break up sex. And it’s the guy from all the insurance commercials (Dean Winters) who personifies all the evil happenings that can damage your property. Here, he personifies a cute guy who has a boring job with a phone company. The two set up “drinks” within moments.

He arrives promptly. She doesn’t even have time to pop the cork in her wine before her guest is popping out of his pants. In a few minutes they start doing the “shaky shaky” and, after a minute of post-coital catching up, they part ways. Done and done. That’s how a hookup works.

But then Carrie ruins it, she sets up “dinner” as in a date, thus attempting sexual alchemy by trying to convert the lead that is a Fuck Buddy into the gold that is boyfriend material. Samantha is scandalized as if Carrie bathed in sewage. Charlotte has the nerve that ask what a Fuck Buddy is in the middle of yoga, and she gets an answer (Dial-a-Dick according to Samantha) that should resolve any questions the audience may have on the topic.

Charlotte, either inspired or corrupted by her friends, breaks her own rule by asking a guy out on a date. So forward!

Carrie is waiting on her “date”. He is surprised that she actually meant dinner. It’s sushi, so at least he still gets the raw fish he was expecting. He turns out to have no charisma outside of the bedroom. He even attempts to serenade her with a calling plan. Ooooh….

The poor guy even makes cheesy jokes. Sake it to me! Um…

At least they have sex.

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Samantha has a date of her own with the sexual sound that penetrates the wall from her neighbors. She gets a bit too loud in her co-moaning that they hear, and rap on the shared wall. Scarily enough, Samantha responds. Ew…

The next day, Miranda fearfully prepares for Kevin’s arrival to meet the girls. Charlotte brags about double-booking dates. Kevin does little to impress the girls, barking orders to the waitress.

Later, Charlotte begins her night of double dating, but winds up over-staying in her first date. She feigns sickness, even though the guy turns it to be really great.

Samantha, meanwhile, gets an invitation from her neighbors. The janitor seems to think they are attractive, which is enough for Samantha to consider accepting.

Back to Charlotte, her second date is quite the handsome stud, and sparks are definitely flying here, which is witnessed by Charlotte’s first date, who drops by her place to leave her some soothing broth. Caught red-handed, or red-lipped, or whatever Charlotte faces the scrutiny of both her dates, who wind up leaving together and Charlotte is at a loss for the night.

Samantha eagerly goes to greet her sexy new neighbors, but they are a bit less than what she expected, and just asks them the shut up. I guess Samantha isn’t into older old-world couples.

The next day Miranda is excited to celebrate with Kevin his becoming partner at his law firm. Hoping this could be the end of his bitchiness, she orders a bottle of champagne. Kevin promptly dismisses the gesture proving that he will always be an ass. She leaves and demands he never call her again. Why would he want to? Who knows…

Oddly enough, Miranda runs into Skipper, who is entirely too jaded at this point to take any more of Miranda’s crap. He even says “melk” instead of milk, which would be enough to deter me. Still, Miranda pursues him, but this is the last of Skipper. Thank goodness.

A few nights later, Carrie tries another date with her Fuck Buddy. Other than having genitals that ache for each other, they have nothing in common. They finish the night without sex, and Carrie is left to deal with her post-break up malaise alone.

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