Month: August 2014

Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Was It Good For You?

Charlotte is making love and her lover Graham falls asleep. Thus begins this episode’s drama. Charlotte tries to get comfort from Carrie, but having never had men fall asleep her, literally, her comfort is a bit lacking. (There, there, Charlotte… been there done that. It’s no fun…)

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Samantha is less supportive. She claims a certain correlation between successful sex and successful life, but I’m certain there are several losers out there who are quite good at doing the deed, but terrible at everything else.

Samantha’s confidence turns out to be a bit more bloated than usual since a gay couple she knows asked her to join in between them and in between the sheets. They are a couple of gold star gay guys(look it up) and can think of no woman better than her to make all kinds of sandwiches with them.

Carrie is stunned by the obvious obstacle of their lack of interest in sexual pescetarianism. Samantha reminds her (and us) that it is (was) the year 2000 and that we should let go of labels (we still haven’t). Samantha’s sexual optimism is refreshing, though.

Later, pondering her article, Carrie is assaulted by some guy’s lit cigarette. Because she is crazy, she begins to flirt with Patrick and they decide to go have cappuccino and smoke together.

Because she is desperate, and insecure about being a smoker herself, she leaves her number with the co-smoker. He doesn’t call. She shares this with Miranda while she is playing feng shui with her sheets because she’s not getting laid either.

The next day after that she sees her smoker guy chatting it up with another guy. It’s very awkward, and Carrie assumes she was cruising a gay man, but at least that would explain why he didn’t call. However, he explains that the other guy is an anonymous alcoholic, like himself. This is a relief to Carrie.

Due to his progress in his sobriety, even after a few hot dates, they still don’t rendezvous in the bed. That is until Carrie makes the first move. They have what turns out to be his first sober screw. This is when Carrie gets a rather after-glowing review of her own.

The next morning, after ordering a personal buffet to replenish her sexual exhaustion, Carrie finds out Charlotte has invited her and her friends to a Tantric sex workshop. Oh goody…

That night, Samantha actually has second thoughts about sleeping with two gay men. This is surprising at first, but when you think about it, Samantha is all about herself. Would sex with two gay men really be all about her? She even previously advised that the “guest star” of a threesome is the best way to go, so why hesitate now?

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Her reticence is quickly dissolved with the lust two men begin to feel for her. That is until they chicken out and suggest they all go for dessert somewhere less… fishy? So much for Samantha’s confidence.

Carrie is having a roll in the hay with her alcoholic and realizes he is addicted to her. Wonderful.

She tries to share this during the workshop in some foreign woman’s apartment. They are admonished for their chattiness, and frankly all four of our girls could use some sexual perspective.

Suddenly the Tantric teacher’s husband enters the room naked so his wife can massage his root chakra or taint (look it up). The girls can barely contain their laughter until the man literally erupts and Miranda is caught in the blast.

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Carrie meets Patrick after that, where she suggests he try to detox his sexual desires when he confesses his love for her after a week of sex. He doesn’t take too well to her putting on the brakes.

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Across town, Charlotte gives Graham a hand job better than caffeine, though we never see him again. Miranda is compulsively wiping her face where she got sprayed, and Carrie is awoken by Patrick’s drunk raving in the street.

When he couldn’t tap her, Patrick hit the tap, and stripped naked in the street. We’ve gone from Tantric to tantrum.  The last Carrie hears from him is that he has to start is sobriety all over again. She muses that her sex must be at least as good as getting drunk.

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Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Shortcomings

Family hour at the gym? I’m with Miranda on this one; this is an awful idea. It is because of this, however, that Miranda meets a guy. He’s a single dad who uses his parenting and son to pick up women. Can’t believe Miranda fell for this one… he is cute, though.

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The girls can’t help but make fun, except Charlotte who thinks it’s sweet and then she brings up her brother, Wesley (who just divorced wife Leslie), whom she wants the girls to meet.

Speaking of meeting, Carrie is going to meet her new boyfriend another writer(Justin Theroux, who appeared before as a different, douchier writer) who wants her to meet his parents while he quickly drops off a load. He says he is good at that. The parents love her, her sex column, and Carrie is roped into Vaughn’s family before you can say climax. This family moves really swiftly.

Also on a date, Miranda tries on for size the divorced dad. Their date is actually a baby sitting session with cheesy flirting. Miranda even gets assaulted by the kid. Awful children. Miranda does find out the her dad date prefers being married which makes her wonder if she’d like to be.

Later, Charlotte is catering for her bitter brother. Charlotte tries to convince him to reconsider leaving Leslie, but Wesley isn’t having any of it, unless any of it is a cocktail.

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After lunch with the family, Carrie and new boy Vaughn can’t wait to have sex. Barely inside if her apartment, they quickly strip down. Unfortunately, not even inside of Carrie, Vaughn climaxes. Politely Carrie gets a tissue.

Samantha advises her to break up immediately, and with plenty of precoital orgasm puns to boot. Carrie, however, is enchanted by Vaughn’s mother. Over coffee or something, Carrie does learn that the family is rather up front about sex, but can they be up front about speedy Vaughn?

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Charlotte is prepping Wesley to meet the girls, but realizes she didn’t want him to meet one girl in particular: Samantha. Before she can diffuse this, Samantha and Wesley are already hiring it off. God forbid her brother be human and have sex.

Meanwhile, Miranda has just slept with divorced dad. While sitting nude on the toilet, and likely contemplating marriage, little Simon barges into the bathroom. Before Miranda can think about how fragile children can be, she slams the door on the kid. Perhaps a bruised nose is better than a bruised memory of a naked woman?

Miranda is quickly shut out herself, while dad takes Simon to get stitches.

Also that morning, Charlotte finds a pantless Samantha in her kitchen. To her credit at least Samantha is trying to make coffee, but Charlotte becomes enraged. She basically calls her friend a slut for sleeping with her brother and kicks her out.

Also, also that morning Carrie and Vaughn go for try number two. She barely gets her hands on his penis before he comes again. They then discuss documentary shorts. Shorts, eh?

Wesley makes a case for his sex with Samantha. Charlotte is still harping on her brother to get back with Leslie, because she is an idiot these first couple of seasons. After being corrected, she takes a basket of muffins to Samantha as an apology. Basically, buttered muffins are a good way to thank Samantha for buttering Wesley’s muffin.

Next Sunday at the gym, Miranda does her best to avoid children, which is good because until they learn morality they are evil, and dating the parent of one is crazy.

Across town Carrie is reading Vaughn’s book. This turns him on. Carrie, however, shuts down his urges because turning pages too quickly may bring them to the end of the story too early… This turns off Vaughn. He throws a tantrum the rest of the episode.

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At the parents’ house, talking about sex and Vaughn’s sister’s lesbian lover, his tantrum climaxes over cream cheese. It’s all quite awkward so Carrie excuses herself, but what is even more awkward is that while Vaughn sits and watches her walk out, his mother runs to keep Carrie from leaving.

His mother actually is familiar with Vaughn and his sensitive penis and wants to talk about it. Carrie is just not comfortable with this and realizes that it’s the mother she is breaking up with instead of her boyfriend.

She leaves the house of quickness and awkwardness and meets up with the girls where they likely talk about how they will never ever see Wesley again, even at weddings if Charlotte happens to get married.

Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: The Fuck Buddy

Skipper is back!

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(Ugh)

He’s bitching about how women always find a way to break up with him. Girls just aren’t that into him. It’s also funny to see how Miranda throws every break up line in the book at the poor guy.

On another date, Miranda just had dinner with Kevin, a bitchy little pipsqueak of a lawyer. All they do is bicker, but it only serves as foreplay. Miranda hates how he is bossy, except when they are having sex where he is really, really bossy.

She shares this story with the girls wearing the ugliest hat ever, and tries to make excuses for his behavior. Carrie, dressed like a Bavarian, attempts to diagnose the girls by picking out the “types” they choose.

Another interview montage plays. I’m glad I’ve stopped counting, and I’m sure the last one is coming soon. Dare I say this one? No, because I’ve been wrong before and if I am again I will lose the credibility that comes from having watched these episodes dozens of times.

Later, while in bed alone, Samantha overhears her neighbors having sex through her wall. That always sucks. I used to have neighbors a floor above me and, damn, they were loud fuckers (literally!). I thought their bed was going to cave in my ceiling and we’d wind up in the worst threesome ever. Samantha, however, uses this as an opportunity to pleasure herself, which was honestly the last thing on my mind when I heard my neighbors screwing.

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Carrie is still pining over Big and winds up calling her go to guy for post-break up sex. And it’s the guy from all the insurance commercials (Dean Winters) who personifies all the evil happenings that can damage your property. Here, he personifies a cute guy who has a boring job with a phone company. The two set up “drinks” within moments.

He arrives promptly. She doesn’t even have time to pop the cork in her wine before her guest is popping out of his pants. In a few minutes they start doing the “shaky shaky” and, after a minute of post-coital catching up, they part ways. Done and done. That’s how a hookup works.

But then Carrie ruins it, she sets up “dinner” as in a date, thus attempting sexual alchemy by trying to convert the lead that is a Fuck Buddy into the gold that is boyfriend material. Samantha is scandalized as if Carrie bathed in sewage. Charlotte has the nerve that ask what a Fuck Buddy is in the middle of yoga, and she gets an answer (Dial-a-Dick according to Samantha) that should resolve any questions the audience may have on the topic.

Charlotte, either inspired or corrupted by her friends, breaks her own rule by asking a guy out on a date. So forward!

Carrie is waiting on her “date”. He is surprised that she actually meant dinner. It’s sushi, so at least he still gets the raw fish he was expecting. He turns out to have no charisma outside of the bedroom. He even attempts to serenade her with a calling plan. Ooooh….

The poor guy even makes cheesy jokes. Sake it to me! Um…

At least they have sex.

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Samantha has a date of her own with the sexual sound that penetrates the wall from her neighbors. She gets a bit too loud in her co-moaning that they hear, and rap on the shared wall. Scarily enough, Samantha responds. Ew…

The next day, Miranda fearfully prepares for Kevin’s arrival to meet the girls. Charlotte brags about double-booking dates. Kevin does little to impress the girls, barking orders to the waitress.

Later, Charlotte begins her night of double dating, but winds up over-staying in her first date. She feigns sickness, even though the guy turns it to be really great.

Samantha, meanwhile, gets an invitation from her neighbors. The janitor seems to think they are attractive, which is enough for Samantha to consider accepting.

Back to Charlotte, her second date is quite the handsome stud, and sparks are definitely flying here, which is witnessed by Charlotte’s first date, who drops by her place to leave her some soothing broth. Caught red-handed, or red-lipped, or whatever Charlotte faces the scrutiny of both her dates, who wind up leaving together and Charlotte is at a loss for the night.

Samantha eagerly goes to greet her sexy new neighbors, but they are a bit less than what she expected, and just asks them the shut up. I guess Samantha isn’t into older old-world couples.

The next day Miranda is excited to celebrate with Kevin his becoming partner at his law firm. Hoping this could be the end of his bitchiness, she orders a bottle of champagne. Kevin promptly dismisses the gesture proving that he will always be an ass. She leaves and demands he never call her again. Why would he want to? Who knows…

Oddly enough, Miranda runs into Skipper, who is entirely too jaded at this point to take any more of Miranda’s crap. He even says “melk” instead of milk, which would be enough to deter me. Still, Miranda pursues him, but this is the last of Skipper. Thank goodness.

A few nights later, Carrie tries another date with her Fuck Buddy. Other than having genitals that ache for each other, they have nothing in common. They finish the night without sex, and Carrie is left to deal with her post-break up malaise alone.