Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Politically Erect

And Carrie has hit the campaign trail with pre-Mad Men silver fox and just as suave if not as obviously sleazy Bill Kelley. She’s not really good at it, preferring to avoid putting pinholes in her Halston rather that wearing the pro-Kelley pin that the handsome campaign manager keeps pushing. Style over support?

Their nights of intimacy seem to be going well, though.

Meanwhile Miranda continues to keep cutie Steve at bay. She deserves her boundaries, but Steve winds up confessing he isn’t interested in the FWB thing while seeing other people because, for him, there are no other people. So now begins the ticking time bomb. Miranda didn’t have any others either, but that doesn’t mean she needs to fold yet, right?

Over a daytime meal (brunch, lunch?), the gals talk politics. Sort of. Mainly, Charlotte confesses her college crush on Dan Quayle. Gross, Charlotte. Even worse, she agrees that it reminded her of her father which is just a weird place to go with a college crush. But with all the “kids” now calling any hot guy over the age of 18 “Daddy” then I guess there are worse things.

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Miranda continues to defend her hesitance regarding Steve to Carrie. Carrie suggests Miranda list the things she likes versus things she doesn’t, since Miranda feels suddenly incapable of discussing things like an adult despite being the most well spoken and adult friend in the entire group. She blames this on not being “political” because apparently having hot sex makes her lose her wits or something?

Thus, Carrie posits the theme of the episode about the balance between sex and relationship politics.

Samantha is having a peaceful cocktail before she is accosted by a man calling her “Pink Lady” while she’s wearing blue. Maybe it’s her lipstick? Rightfully she admonishes his pickup line but is otherwise intrigued at this man’s confidence and insistence. Sparks seem to be flying while the flattery blooms and that’s when a page calls Jeff Fenton away from the encounter. As he leaves it is quite clear he’s a short man. A pocket stud, perhaps? That Pink Lady line, though…sheesh.

Apparently straight women are like amusement park rides and Samantha, Charlotte, and Samantha use some *terms* for short people to try to find a label for Mr. Fenton, who is not tall enough for admission. Carrie, half-heartedly anyway, at least mentions how politically incorrect their conversation is. Haha… it’s funny because politically incorrect during an episode about, um, politics… ha. Okay, the writers tried.

Charlotte, ever since the last episode, is 100% more determined than ever to get married and heads off to mingle with rich politicos.

Miranda arrives with Steve, who doesn’t realize he is currently being reduced to a table of pros and cons.

Also, Samantha’s line to a random party goer declaring her disdain for either the Republican or Democratic parties in favor of just parties is great, but unfortunately didn’t age well in our current time of strife when women and minorities don’t have the luxury of being indifferent politically. I still love Samantha, though. The joke is very “of the time” and I guess you just had to be there.

Thankfully, Stanford arrives. Finally some life in this party. Before jetting off to the Vagina Monologues (which stuns Carrie for some reason, oh wait it’s for a joke), Stannie has enough time to meet Bill Kelley. I have to give props to the character here for not getting all freaked out about being near a gay man. He even confidently mentions his ass as the key asset for carrying the queer vote. It was nice to see him not get all “no homo”.

Then, Stanford gets a glimpse on the handsome campaign manager. It’s not his first glimpse, though, as apparently Andrew roller blades on 8th Avenue. I’m not a New Yorker, what is the relevance of 8th Avenue? Thanks in advance. Anyway, Carrie attempts to be discreet matchmaker for Stannie, and it turns out that Andrew is in fact interested in the mens. Except, he’s a type gay who wants the blonde muscle guy instead of the funny entrepreneur. Typical. Gay men can be ruthless. I should know having been on both sides of that issue in my younger years, regrettably.

Oh, and Charlotte is drunk for the second episode in a row and comes up with the worst party idea ever. Bring and ex and hook up with an ex! It’s totally trouble.

Then we get another intimate scene with Carrie and Kelley. He wants to be peed on, but make it sexy.

Later, Carrie and the girls lament Bill’s affection for golden showers. While it’s a touchy topic it’s an understandable one, but maybe without so much kink shaming? But hey, if you’re not into it, you’re not into. Though, Samantha advocates at least considering making a “concession for the right guy” even as all the others reflexively reject the notion.

The drama continues while Carrie resists drinking water while dining on spicy curry. Bill mentions her column. How has he waited so long to mention it? Surely, it would have come up. He tries to butter her up some more, perhaps priming her for his request. Carrie is relieved at being able to drink water so that she can eventually relieve herself non sexually when he has to call it an early night.

Later, at Charlotte’s terrible party Carrie brings Stanford. Charlotte actually gets upset and Carrie making a mockery of her party by bringing a gay guy (who Carrie is in fact not interested in). That’s actually a lowkey joke there, and I like it. Samantha brings Jeff. He’s totally not that short, but Samantha encourages him to mingle. Miranda on the other hand quickly realizes that this party will not convince her to dating others besides Steve. Because of it’s a minefield of bitter exes.

Also, I love Charlotte’s passive aggressive no smoking sign totally not on purpose aimed at Carrie.

Charlotte hits it off with some trust fund baby/travel junkie. Spoilers, his ex gets jealous and takes him back. Speaking of exes, Jeff learns the premise of the party from a jilted party goer. He guilts her into sleeping with him, but she, despite being sexually open minded enough to consider the possibility of piss play, hasn’t even considered sleeping with a short guy? Come on, writers.

Stanford decides to cruise the party for distraught straight guys willing to try a guy while in a post-breakup malaise.

Sex is had in the city with both Miranda and Samantha conceding to their opposition. It’s in Miranda’s bed where Steve confesses love. It’s what calls off the list-making for Miranda.

Samantha’s story doesn’t end up as romantically. Jeff apparently shops in the boys department, a fact he owns up to. The banter between them is funny and Samantha gets a kick. The silver lining is that at least Jeff made Samantha laugh even though they broke up for two weeks. Well, I guess that’s something.

Across town, Carrie rather delicately turns down Bill’s request. She even offers some alternatives, which is nice, but really a simple no would have worked. It doesn’t really matter, though. For whatever reason, perhaps due to shame, Bill calls things off since she’s basically a sex columnist and how that is not good for the campaign. Maybe he’s only into piss, but judging her career like that was totally shitty.

While I don’t think it’s fair to hold ones’ kinks against them, being jilted for one’s career is crap. It’s the poetic end of the Princess and the Pee when she reports of this in her column. Despite use of pseudonyms, I’m sure it was quite obvious who the politico is. So what was worse for the campaign, dating a sex columnist, or breaking up with a woman because she’s a sex columnist?

Sex and the City Re-Watch Recap: Where There’s Smoke

And now it’s time for one of my favorite seasons of SATC, and a great premiere episode to boot.

We see the girls in a ferry, pondering their single-ness despite the overwhelming number of single men. This time they are going to Staten Island for Carrie to judge a hot fireman contest. I’m not from New York, but meeting men from this island must be a shady prospect.

While Samantha is in testosterone heaven, Carrie is getting hit up by another judge, a politician named Bill Kelley. Doesn’t she recognize him as that sketchy politician from Desperate Housewives, or that corrupt ad man from Mad Men. Jeez, Carrie, you really need to get out more.

Miranda has retrieved drinks, a local version of a Long Island Iced Tea. They’re so potent Miranda thinks that they may get her drunk enough to let Samantha have sex with her.

Samantha already has her sight set on sleeping with a sexy fireman, and Charlotte can’t even because she’s just a goody good who wants to get married.

I must say that the fireman that seems to transfix them is not very cute. I wouldn’t show him my lower anything.

After a quick scene of a pre-Beyonce single ladies dance moves, Samantha makes her move on Ricky. He’s not too bright. Samantha has to practically move herself to climax to give him the idea that he could join her. Really, Samantha, is it worth that kind of special needs service?

Samantha and Bill share a cigarette break. He’s definitely interested, but she’s not sure she’s going to have it, despite her flirtatious come backs. She winds up giving her address to him so he can “check her district”. However, she stops short at giving her phone number. Because she has limits?

Carrie and Miranda look for Charlotte, and Samantha has departed with Ricky for some remedial level love making. Charlotte is now absolutely drunk. She’s dancing solo to “Doctor’s Orders” by Carol Douglas in one of my favorite scenes in the show ever.

On the boat home, Carrie and Miranda try to contain the intoxicated ramblings of a marriage-obsessed Charlotte.

Meanwhile, Samantha is getting it on. What’s new…

The next morning she can’t even shut up about it. Like a gay man, she thinks that cock talk is appropriate for breakfast conversation. It’s funny to see the girls hungover and barely functioning. Charlotte goes on again about wanting to be saved by her white knight.

Thus is Carrie’s theme for the week formulated; do women just want to be rescued?

Miranda is at her eye doctor’s office getting some orders of her own. She’s having eye surgery, but is told she will need someone to help her. Resistant to needing a white knight, she even evades Steve’s offers to help, just like she evades putting a label on their resurrected sex life.

Charlotte and Carrie are out together in some lounge so Charlotte can find a husband. Is that really where you’d like to go, honey, considering that some skeez bag named Jay Jay keeps accosting you? It doesn’t matter since some tall, blond, and strangely aggressive white knight comes in to save Charlotte from her plight. Maybe you can meet men in bars…

The next day Carrie goes shopping. Upon her return home, she finds Bill waiting for her. Creep. Does actor John Slattery actually act, or is he really like this, considering all his characters are the same? Oh well, he pressures Carrie into a date.

Now we see shitty Carrie make a return when she ditches helping Miranda on the day of her surgery to get ready for this date. Miranda takes it in stride, and attempts to handle it all on her own, ever the independent woman.

Charlotte is on her first date with the white knight. Just as they bond over ideal marriages, he gets huffy over some guy bumping Charlotte’s chair. This leads to him assaulting the guy and threatening a waitress. See? You can’t meet men in bars, Charlotte.

Miranda is drugged up, and incapable yet she still has the willpower to resist Steve’s assistance, but he overcomes this and manages to get this disgruntled sleeping beauty to bed. When she awakens, she sees clearly that Steve is right next to her, and perhaps is worth more consideration than to be merely an ex that she sleeps with.

Across town, Samantha eagerly anticipates hanging out with Ricky at the fire station. The reality no where nearly matches her fantasy. Instead of the place being full of hot, model-like life savers, it’s full of regular guys who watch sports and eat life savers.

Samantha, however, is determined to get something fantastic out of this dreary reality and make a hot scene of her own. After she gets a bowl of that fresh chili that Ricky put on. Talk about hot stuff…

Carrie, still paralyzed by the trauma that is a second break up with Mr. Big. Bill leaves of after patiently waiting, and Carrie calls Miranda for some emergency assistance. Miranda and her newfound clarity inform Carrie that she afraid to get hurt again, which is what Carrie’s been afraid to admit to herself.

So off she runs to the party to meet Bill, where she admits that she did have a bad break up, and wants to take things slowly.

Back at the fire station, Samantha slides down the fire house pole, just the first pole she’ll ride that evening. After having sex against the fire engine, Ricky shows Samantha around the place, and begins to explain why all the uniforms are set up on the floor. Just as he is about to verbally explain the vigilance a fire fighter must maintain, the alarm goes off, and so he shows it in action instead.

He swiftly runs off, abandoning Samantha to get yelled at by another fire fighter whose gear she was sexily trying on. In true Samantha fashion, she attempts to act modestly despite the obviousness of her sexual escapades that evening. When all is said and done, her fantasy ends with her being left nearly naked and vulnerable, in class such of an older couple on the street that prudent hasn’t had sex since the Reagan administration.

While Carrie is getting ready to leave and catch her fairy, I mean ferry (the fairy tale allusions in this episode are over the top), she begins to make out with her politician prince. So much for moving slowly.

Unfortunately, moving quickly now still doesn’t get her to the ferry in time. Like Cinderella before her, she loses a shoe as the clock strikes midnight, but unlike Prince Charming, Bill is there in moments with his BMW. After he saves her, Carrie saves him with some driving directions. There ends the tale, that opens Season 3.

Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Ex and the City

The season two finale!
(And my 100th post, by the way…)

Carrie is picking out flowers. While she is doing so, Miranda spots her ex, Steve, walking down the street. Miranda panics and runs. Charlotte is scandalized, of course.

Miranda muses about her inability to befriend an ex and says she pretends they don’t exist, while Samantha shares that men aren’t where she gets her friends, just her flings. Charlotte actively withholds friendship from any man who won’t love her.

Carrie is the only one who seems to have an issue with this, mostly because her ex is getting married and she doesn’t know how to let everything go with him, even if she can’t have everything with him. Then they bad mouth Natasha. That’s my girls.

Carrie’s article begs the question: can you be friends with an ex?

Miranda’s blissful ignorance is destroyed when Steve stakes her out at the apartment just to tell her she is shitty and that she hurt his feelings. Then she cries.

It sucks even you realise you’re a shitty person.

Then Steve defused the whole thing so that he can tell Miranda that she’s got boogers in her nose. He then suggests they try to be friends since their history with each other is hard to ignore.

Charlotte also has a hard time ignoring her past, but since she isn’t dating anyone, she reminisces about her days horseback riding that ended when her horse threw her.

And speaking of getting thrown by horses, Samantha encounters a stallion of a man in the street that she can’t wait to tame. I wish I could get guys to ask for my number just by walking past them on the street. Mr. Cocky gives her his number for a “friendly little fu- drink”.

Carrie finally gets the nerve to confront her past, but when she calls Big’s place, Natasha answers. But Big has caller ID, so when she hangs up, she realizes she has to call back or look crazy.

When she does, Big answers, thankfully, but awkwardness still ensues. They awkwardly agree to meet for a drink to establish the rules for friendship.

Later, they meet for their lunch. It’s still awkward. Carrie nearly falls to her death on a sneaky stair. They’re both nervous, so having a sober lunch is out of the question.

Flash forward, and they are tipsy and Carrie complains about Big’s Blood Sweat and Tears music collection. She tries to listen to Big talk about Natasha, but realizes that unless they are really serious about a significant other, that she’d rather they not talk about their love lives.

But… Big is serious with Natasha. They’re engaged.

Well, this sends Carrie into shit storm mode. How can Big may a girl when he told Carrie he never wanted to be married again? She accuses him of stringing her along and she makes the most ridiculous scene. Then she almost knocks over her chair, and kills herself on the dangerous stair, and causes a waiter to drop a bunch of metal.

Typical Carrie.

The next day, Carrie attempts to support Charlotte while she mounts a horse. What she really wants to do is bitch about breaking in Big while another woman saddles him up, and smoke in inappropriate places. Charlotte backs out her horseback experience.

Samantha on the other hand, is just starting hers. But before they get hot and heavy, he stops to warn Samantha about something. Oh no…

Is he married.

Does he have an STD?

Is he gay?

Nope. Not only is he a stallion, apparently he is hung like one too. While Samantha celebrates hitting the penile jackpot (especially after the tiny dud that James was at the beginning of the season), Mr. (Huge) Cocky says that he is, in fact, really huge and that others have complained he is too big.

Samantha brushes that off. She’s practically a pro cock jockey, but reality sets in and she is speechless. And likely gagged.

She complains to Carrie, but expresses her determination to mount him any way. He may be too big but until Goldicocks finds one that is just right, she needs to break some sex records.

That night, Miranda and Steve have a nice friendly dinner. But friendly turns to frisky and they wind up sleeping together. So much for friendship.

Also that night, Samantha takes a hit of pot and hopes she’s still limber from yoga so she can attempt to tackle Mr. Cocky’s tackle. What kind of yoga helps with that?

Seriously, let me know in the comments.

She thinks she’s making progress, but it really turns out to be too much. Just when she thinks she’s got the hang of mister hung, he asks if she’s, ahem… ready for more.

Nope, nope, nope, and she fends off Mr. Cocky and his meat. Sometimes too much is really too much. Been there, done that, honey… no shame in it.

On a positive note, Samantha attempts to make her first male friend.

We never see him again, so apparently that didn’t work out.

The next day, Charlotte is trying again to get to know a horse, too, and unlike Samantha, she manages to successfully mount and ride him.

Across town, Big tries to call Carrie while she is screening, so he leaves a remorseful message. He laments hurting her, and as soon as he says as much Carrie picks up the phone. They clear the air between each other and realize that it’s time for them each to move on, friends or not, but hopefully as friends.

But then Carrie gets an engagement invitation in the mail. Crap.

The day of the engagement pretty, Carrie and the girls have some drinks. Then they begin gushing about “The Way We Were”.  As a total chick film, Samantha has never seen it, which allows the girls to explain to the audience the significance if the film and how it resembles Carrie and Big.

They begin to sing the closing song of the film which puts Samantha in an awkward spot. She likely ricochets between horror and embarrassment, but ultimately she cries. Not because of the other girls’ mediocre singing, but because she misses James. It turns out that her encounter with a monster penis made her realize that size isn’t everything, and that maybe she does want a man who truly loves her instead of hook ups the rest of her life.

And that’s where Carrie leaves them, and goes to mak peace with Big. She has just one question, “Why wasn’t it me?”

Big says, very little, but it turns it that Natasha is a simple girl whereas Carrie is complex. She says, “Your girl is lovely, Hubble,” echoing that final scene. Carrie has a moment with a horse herself as she watches a man attempt to put a bridle on a rather spirited mare.

Perhaps that is what Carrie is.

And that’s how we end on season two. Miranda has slept with an ex. Samantha tried sleeping with a horse-hung man, but wound up missing an ex.  Carrie said goodbye to an ex, and Charlotte rode a horse.

Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Twenty-Something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women

We start with a Brady Bunch type montage. This group of people proves to be dysfunctional enough that they have time left over in their summer time share in the Hamptons. So they call Charlotte to offer her a great deal for the rest of the summer.

Charlotte pitches the opportunity to the girls, mentioning some rather foreshadowy consequences like one of them being married or having kids. This summer fling is the last they’ll be able to have just as a foursome, she argues.

They all give in. Summer party with the girls!

Samantha happens to have an employee who’s been spending some time at party house in the Hamptons herself. She’s kind of obnoxious, so when Samantha fires her, it’s a welcome sight.

This begins the girls’ vendetta against twenty-something girls. While she was waiting foe the rest, Charlotte met a young 26 year old. She’s off to a fun start.

When they arrive all they can do is bitch about being cynical and the musty odor permeating the house. The little boy Charlotte met comes by to invite them to a beach bonfire. Oh, and Charlotte is pretending she’s 27 so the guy won’t be scared of her “old” lady parts.

They get to the bonfire where everyone is getting drunk on kegs and flailing around to Fatboy Slim’s “Praise You”. Looks like a good time until chicks start puking. At least they hold each other’s hair.

Carrie, trying to leave, runs into her biggest fan. She’s so adoring it’s sickening. In the days prior to social media it was easier to avoid these people.

Miranda, the next morning, takes step outside with her coffee to enjoy the beachy morning after having a bitchy night. She about steps in vomit. It’s Charlotte’s, it turns out, and she spent the night passed out drunk with her boy toy. He’s there too. Oh, kids in their twenties.

Back in the city during the week, Carrie reminisces about her own twenties. Great skin tone, innocence, men who don’t know how to have good sex, bad apartments, fashion mistakes… yep, sounds about right.

Later, she goes out to a book signing with her stalker. She tries to be mentor-ish, but winds up talking about sex and making the young one get them drinks. That sounds perfect.

Carrie runs into a doctor who is supposedly foxy. He’s not ugly, but I remember him playing one of the odd aliens in Galaxy Quest, so that’s all I can think of when I see him. By Grabthar’s hammer…

Anyway, they exchange numbers and agree to meet in the Hamptons.

During a cloudy day at the beach, the women marinate in spf 45 sunscreen. The doctor tracks down Carrie. They chit chat, but while he takes a dip, Carrie laments that he is good on paper. Which means he’s likely bad in bed.

Charlotte brings around her boy toy, which darkens the other girls’ day considerably. She suggests they make Long Island teas, which every kid in his or her twenties thinks is cool.

Carrie and the doctor walk on the beach for more chit chat. He seems really eager, which is a turn off for me, but Carrie has been single for a while so she gives him permission to bother her more.

Back at the house, Carrie discovers unwanted visitors. And Samantha gets invited to her former employee’s supposedly “big” blowout party, which threatens to upstage her professional P.R. image. Unwanted visitor #1 is Laurel, Carrie’s adoring fan. She’s hanging out in Carrie’s room. Unwanted visitor #2 turns out to be an infestation of crabs in Charlotte’s pubic area.

Welcome back to your twenties, dear, though I never caught anything in my twenties…

The infestation scares Carrie out of the house, and she takes refuge at the doctor’s abode. They only sleep despite his humorous attempts to portray sexiness. By Grabthar’s hammer…

The next night they attend Nina’s party. Samantha feels down since the party is so impressive. Charlotte confronts her boy toy about the crabs he gave her. He morally retorts by calling out the deceit of lying about her age. The whole argument is petty. Lesson learned: don’t sleep with douche-y  twenty something guys.

Behind the scenes, Samantha learns the party is out of control. Nothing pleases her more than using her experience to smooth out the party’s kinks, and furthermore she introduces Nina to Charlotte’s crabby boy toy. Ah, sweet revenge, and it’s itchy.

Carrie is tracked down by her fan, but by now she’s had enough and ditches her, only to see Mr. Big.

With a twenty-something girl.

They met in Paris while he was working there.

He’s been back in town for a week.

Her name’s Natasha.

Talk about a “big” blowout party. The whole confrontation is enough to turns one’s stomach. Which it does, and Carrie runs out to the beach to vomit under the fireworks.  Miranda holds her hair.

Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Was It Good For You?

Charlotte is making love and her lover Graham falls asleep. Thus begins this episode’s drama. Charlotte tries to get comfort from Carrie, but having never had men fall asleep her, literally, her comfort is a bit lacking. (There, there, Charlotte… been there done that. It’s no fun…)

Samantha is less supportive. She claims a certain correlation between successful sex and successful life, but I’m certain there are several losers out there who are quite good at doing the deed, but terrible at everything else.

Samantha’s confidence turns out to be a bit more bloated than usual since a gay couple she knows asked her to join in between them and in between the sheets. They are a couple of gold star gay guys(look it up) and can think of no woman better than her to make all kinds of sandwiches with them.

Carrie is stunned by the obvious obstacle of their lack of interest in sexual pescetarianism. Samantha reminds her (and us) that it is (was) the year 2000 and that we should let go of labels (we still haven’t). Samantha’s sexual optimism is refreshing, though.

Later, pondering her article, Carrie is assaulted by some guy’s lit cigarette. Because she is crazy, she begins to flirt with Patrick and they decide to go have cappuccino and smoke together.

Because she is desperate, and insecure about being a smoker herself, she leaves her number with the co-smoker. He doesn’t call. She shares this with Miranda while she is playing feng shui with her sheets because she’s not getting laid either.

The next day after that she sees her smoker guy chatting it up with another guy. It’s very awkward, and Carrie assumes she was cruising a gay man, but at least that would explain why he didn’t call. However, he explains that the other guy is an anonymous alcoholic, like himself. This is a relief to Carrie.

Due to his progress in his sobriety, even after a few hot dates, they still don’t rendezvous in the bed. That is until Carrie makes the first move. They have what turns out to be his first sober screw. This is when Carrie gets a rather after-glowing review of her own.

The next morning, after ordering a personal buffet to replenish her sexual exhaustion, Carrie finds out Charlotte has invited her and her friends to a Tantric sex workshop. Oh goody…

That night, Samantha actually has second thoughts about sleeping with two gay men. This is surprising at first, but when you think about it, Samantha is all about herself. Would sex with two gay men really be all about her? She even previously advised that the “guest star” of a threesome is the best way to go, so why hesitate now?

Her reticence is quickly dissolved with the lust two men begin to feel for her. That is until they chicken out and suggest they all go for dessert somewhere less… fishy? So much for Samantha’s confidence.

Carrie is having a roll in the hay with her alcoholic and realizes he is addicted to her. Wonderful.

She tries to share this during the workshop in some foreign woman’s apartment. They are admonished for their chattiness, and frankly all four of our girls could use some sexual perspective.

Suddenly the Tantric teacher’s husband enters the room naked so his wife can massage his root chakra or taint (look it up). The girls can barely contain their laughter until the man literally erupts and Miranda is caught in the blast.

Carrie meets Patrick after that, where she suggests he try to detox his sexual desires when he confesses his love for her after a week of sex. He doesn’t take too well to her putting on the brakes.

Across town, Charlotte gives Graham a hand job better than caffeine, though we never see him again. Miranda is compulsively wiping her face where she got sprayed, and Carrie is awoken by Patrick’s drunk raving in the street.

When he couldn’t tap her, Patrick hit the tap, and stripped naked in the street. We’ve gone from Tantric to tantrum.  The last Carrie hears from him is that he has to start is sobriety all over again. She muses that her sex must be at least as good as getting drunk.

Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Shortcomings

Family hour at the gym? I’m with Miranda on this one; this is an awful idea. It is because of this, however, that Miranda meets a guy. He’s a single dad who uses his parenting and son to pick up women. Can’t believe Miranda fell for this one… he is cute, though.

The girls can’t help but make fun, except Charlotte who thinks it’s sweet and then she brings up her brother, Wesley (who just divorced wife Leslie), whom she wants the girls to meet.

Speaking of meeting, Carrie is going to meet her new boyfriend another writer(Justin Theroux, who appeared before as a different, douchier writer) who wants her to meet his parents while he quickly drops off a load. He says he is good at that. The parents love her, her sex column, and Carrie is roped into Vaughn’s family before you can say climax. This family moves really swiftly.

Also on a date, Miranda tries on for size the divorced dad. Their date is actually a baby sitting session with cheesy flirting. Miranda even gets assaulted by the kid. Awful children. Miranda does find out the her dad date prefers being married which makes her wonder if she’d like to be.

Later, Charlotte is catering for her bitter brother. Charlotte tries to convince him to reconsider leaving Leslie, but Wesley isn’t having any of it, unless any of it is a cocktail.

After lunch with the family, Carrie and new boy Vaughn can’t wait to have sex. Barely inside if her apartment, they quickly strip down. Unfortunately, not even inside of Carrie, Vaughn climaxes. Politely Carrie gets a tissue.

Samantha advises her to break up immediately, and with plenty of precoital orgasm puns to boot. Carrie, however, is enchanted by Vaughn’s mother. Over coffee or something, Carrie does learn that the family is rather up front about sex, but can they be up front about speedy Vaughn?

Charlotte is prepping Wesley to meet the girls, but realizes she didn’t want him to meet one girl in particular: Samantha. Before she can diffuse this, Samantha and Wesley are already hiring it off. God forbid her brother be human and have sex.

Meanwhile, Miranda has just slept with divorced dad. While sitting nude on the toilet, and likely contemplating marriage, little Simon barges into the bathroom. Before Miranda can think about how fragile children can be, she slams the door on the kid. Perhaps a bruised nose is better than a bruised memory of a naked woman?

Miranda is quickly shut out herself, while dad takes Simon to get stitches.

Also that morning, Charlotte finds a pantless Samantha in her kitchen. To her credit at least Samantha is trying to make coffee, but Charlotte becomes enraged. She basically calls her friend a slut for sleeping with her brother and kicks her out.

Also, also that morning Carrie and Vaughn go for try number two. She barely gets her hands on his penis before he comes again. They then discuss documentary shorts. Shorts, eh?

Wesley makes a case for his sex with Samantha. Charlotte is still harping on her brother to get back with Leslie, because she is an idiot these first couple of seasons. After being corrected, she takes a basket of muffins to Samantha as an apology. Basically, buttered muffins are a good way to thank Samantha for buttering Wesley’s muffin.

Next Sunday at the gym, Miranda does her best to avoid children, which is good because until they learn morality they are evil, and dating the parent of one is crazy.

Across town Carrie is reading Vaughn’s book. This turns him on. Carrie, however, shuts down his urges because turning pages too quickly may bring them to the end of the story too early… This turns off Vaughn. He throws a tantrum the rest of the episode.

At the parents’ house, talking about sex and Vaughn’s sister’s lesbian lover, his tantrum climaxes over cream cheese. It’s all quite awkward so Carrie excuses herself, but what is even more awkward is that while Vaughn sits and watches her walk out, his mother runs to keep Carrie from leaving.

His mother actually is familiar with Vaughn and his sensitive penis and wants to talk about it. Carrie is just not comfortable with this and realizes that it’s the mother she is breaking up with instead of her boyfriend.

She leaves the house of quickness and awkwardness and meets up with the girls where they likely talk about how they will never ever see Wesley again, even at weddings if Charlotte happens to get married.

Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: The Fuck Buddy

Skipper is back!

(Ugh)

He’s bitching about how women always find a way to break up with him. Girls just aren’t that into him. It’s also funny to see how Miranda throws every break up line in the book at the poor guy.

On another date, Miranda just had dinner with Kevin, a bitchy little pipsqueak of a lawyer. All they do is bicker, but it only serves as foreplay. Miranda hates how he is bossy, except when they are having sex where he is really, really bossy.

She shares this story with the girls wearing the ugliest hat ever, and tries to make excuses for his behavior. Carrie, dressed like a Bavarian, attempts to diagnose the girls by picking out the “types” they choose.

Another interview montage plays. I’m glad I’ve stopped counting, and I’m sure the last one is coming soon. Dare I say this one? No, because I’ve been wrong before and if I am again I will lose the credibility that comes from having watched these episodes dozens of times.

Later, while in bed alone, Samantha overhears her neighbors having sex through her wall. That always sucks. I used to have neighbors a floor above me and, damn, they were loud fuckers (literally!). I thought their bed was going to cave in my ceiling and we’d wind up in the worst threesome ever. Samantha, however, uses this as an opportunity to pleasure herself, which was honestly the last thing on my mind when I heard my neighbors screwing.

Carrie is still pining over Big and winds up calling her go to guy for post-break up sex. And it’s the guy from all the insurance commercials (Dean Winters) who personifies all the evil happenings that can damage your property. Here, he personifies a cute guy who has a boring job with a phone company. The two set up “drinks” within moments.

He arrives promptly. She doesn’t even have time to pop the cork in her wine before her guest is popping out of his pants. In a few minutes they start doing the “shaky shaky” and, after a minute of post-coital catching up, they part ways. Done and done. That’s how a hookup works.

But then Carrie ruins it, she sets up “dinner” as in a date, thus attempting sexual alchemy by trying to convert the lead that is a Fuck Buddy into the gold that is boyfriend material. Samantha is scandalized as if Carrie bathed in sewage. Charlotte has the nerve that ask what a Fuck Buddy is in the middle of yoga, and she gets an answer (Dial-a-Dick according to Samantha) that should resolve any questions the audience may have on the topic.

Charlotte, either inspired or corrupted by her friends, breaks her own rule by asking a guy out on a date. So forward!

Carrie is waiting on her “date”. He is surprised that she actually meant dinner. It’s sushi, so at least he still gets the raw fish he was expecting. He turns out to have no charisma outside of the bedroom. He even attempts to serenade her with a calling plan. Ooooh….

The poor guy even makes cheesy jokes. Sake it to me! Um…

At least they have sex.

Samantha has a date of her own with the sexual sound that penetrates the wall from her neighbors. She gets a bit too loud in her co-moaning that they hear, and rap on the shared wall. Scarily enough, Samantha responds. Ew…

The next day, Miranda fearfully prepares for Kevin’s arrival to meet the girls. Charlotte brags about double-booking dates. Kevin does little to impress the girls, barking orders to the waitress.

Later, Charlotte begins her night of double dating, but winds up over-staying in her first date. She feigns sickness, even though the guy turns it to be really great.

Samantha, meanwhile, gets an invitation from her neighbors. The janitor seems to think they are attractive, which is enough for Samantha to consider accepting.

Back to Charlotte, her second date is quite the handsome stud, and sparks are definitely flying here, which is witnessed by Charlotte’s first date, who drops by her place to leave her some soothing broth. Caught red-handed, or red-lipped, or whatever Charlotte faces the scrutiny of both her dates, who wind up leaving together and Charlotte is at a loss for the night.

Samantha eagerly goes to greet her sexy new neighbors, but they are a bit less than what she expected, and just asks them the shut up. I guess Samantha isn’t into older old-world couples.

The next day Miranda is excited to celebrate with Kevin his becoming partner at his law firm. Hoping this could be the end of his bitchiness, she orders a bottle of champagne. Kevin promptly dismisses the gesture proving that he will always be an ass. She leaves and demands he never call her again. Why would he want to? Who knows…

Oddly enough, Miranda runs into Skipper, who is entirely too jaded at this point to take any more of Miranda’s crap. He even says “melk” instead of milk, which would be enough to deter me. Still, Miranda pursues him, but this is the last of Skipper. Thank goodness.

A few nights later, Carrie tries another date with her Fuck Buddy. Other than having genitals that ache for each other, they have nothing in common. They finish the night without sex, and Carrie is left to deal with her post-break up malaise alone.

Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Games People Play

Carrie is post break up and she isn’t afraid to say it.

To anyone.

Repeatedly.

I knew a girl who did this one time. It was awful.

Carrie’s friends tell her she needs therapy. Good girls.

She says she doesn’t believe in therapy. Neither does Charlotte. She says her family believes in exercise instead, which is why her family plays tennis so well. Samantha’s sideways look to Miranda in response is hilarious.

Even Stanford has a shrink. Three in fact.

While Carrie’s contemplates her impending head shrink, a really cute guy has begun playing flirty eye games with Miranda across her air shaft. That never happened to me in my apartment.

We next see Carrie mid session and the experience is as excruciating as you may think. Carrie’s world is rocked when the shrink tells her she picks the wrong men.

While Carrie and the rest discuss the merits of playing games in the dating pool, they find a bar flooded with straight men. Samantha decides to swim in the testosterone. She finds quite the sports fanatic.

Carrie does her trademark musing with her laptop, questioning the role of gameplay in relationships. Which leads to…

Another interview montage!!!

Apparently they aren’t dead yet. If you’ve tracked my blogs on SATC then you know I’ve mentioned these before and claimed that they have been done with. Well… here’s another. It depicts some gameplay tactics “real people”  employ.

At Carrie’s second appointment she sees a hot guy as he finishes his session with Doctor G. At her third, she is dressed up and absolutely begging for him to talk to her.

Is that a little game, Carrie?

The guy introduces himself as Seth, but as he is clearly Jon Bon Jovi, we can guess he suffers from multiple personality disorder or something. Carrie quickly sets up a date.

While Carrie and Samantha are catching up, Sam is watching a game. The guy she is seeing is so into sports that if his team loses, then they don’t have sex. When they do have sex, Samantha alleges it is amazing, so she submits her chance of orgasm to the capricious nature of sports.

Miranda once again is making eyes with the guy in the neighboring building. This time he’s in just a towel and wants her to do a twirl. She obliges and is rewarded with a glimpse of his ass. She in turn shows off a boob. She really knows how to expedite things.

Meanwhile, Carrie and Jon Bon Seth share Doctor G. stories. In an effort to halt any games, Carrie bluntly expresses her attraction. Seth Jovi reciprocates like Miranda baring a boob.

Speaking of which, Miranda sees her flirt friend at the store. She to decides to be an adult, and when she catches herself playing hide and seek, she bucks up greets him. 

Things quickly become horrifying. The guy seems to have no recollection of her. Even her miming of breast baring only brings back a vague recognition. Then he does realize who she is: the girl who lives above the guy he’s been cruising.

Welcome to Mortification City.  Your embarrassment (embarbreastment?) destination. Population: Miranda.

Miranda schedules an emergency session with her therapist.

Samantha thinks she may finally be able to have sports-less sex, but turns out there isn’t a sport he doesn’t follow, and his favorite baseball team has been sucking. Samantha decides to forfeit this game.

Carrie and Bon Seth are playing Twister. She thinks that their post-Twister sex heralds then end of game time and she decides to get real. She asks Twister champ Seth why he sees a shrink.

He loses interest in women after sleeping with them.

Carrie makes a break through. She truly does pick the wrong guys.

At least Carrie got to rebound with Bon Jovi’s doppelganger. Not a bad way to recover from Big. Will Carrie have more hilarious and tedious dating hijinks note that she’s single? Guess we’ve got the rest of season two to find out.

The theme of “games” in this episode is well played… ha. But seriously, the issues explored are pertinent to anyone who has ever felt this way while dating. There will always be players out there, but sometimes the hardest thing is realizing that you are one.

Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: La Douleur Exquise!

So there’s a new restaurant in town: an S&M place named after the episode’s title. In addition to excessive skin and leather, we get to see Samantha with a whip (wasn’t she turned off by a guy who had whips?), and Charlotte with kinked hair.

This whole scenario brings up the issue of fetishes. Do the girls have any?

Carrie has to leave to see her fetish, Big, who is about to leave for Paris for work. She snags Samantha’s whip for a bit of pretravel pain play.

Stanford (Stanford has his own storyline!?) spends his free time on the internet in archaic chat rooms. Like many gays, he has an outlandish screen name, and chats about his particular interest, underwear.

Charlotte’s interests are more down to earth. As in literally on the earth, since she likes shoes. She enters a shop where all the styles beckon and she very nearly swoons. But she isn’t the only one in the shop that day who sees something she really likes. The nice salesman, Buster, gives her quite the discount.

Miranda is book shopping on the street for biographies. She meets a guy who also enjoys the voyeuristic experience of reading about others’ lives.

While Big is packing, he drops the bomb that he may be moving to Paris. Carrie is blindsided, and wonders why he didn’t tell her earlier. “Don’t got carried away”, he stays. Not a good time for puns, buddy.

At brunch, Carrie throws a tantrum and realizes that maybe her fetish is the painful relationship she keeps trying to carry on with Big. Is she a masochist?

Miranda winds up going on a date with Will Arnett (can’t remember his character’s name). He likes other voyeuristic things other than biographies, it seems, like messing around in public places. Surprisingly, Miranda goes along with it, because who hasn’t done it outside the bedroom? And I don’t mean in the living room or kitchen, either.

Later, Stanford confesses his nightlife to Carrie, and his alter ego: Rick9plus.

Sigh.

At least he admits it’s sad, and he’s scared a guy he’s been cybering with wants to meet him and that he’ll be an in-real-life letdown.

Despite the numerous opportunities for judgement, we see a non-shitty side of Carrie who supports her friend. “Be safe, have fun”, she says with nary a hint of derision.

But shitty Carrie (or shitfaced) makes a return and drunk dials Big. He’s in France. But no one’s in his under pants. Something has crawled into Carrie’s, though and she rants and raves about how she’s doing more for the relationship than he is. While I agree with her arguments, she could have chosen another time. This is, however, quite the funny argument, complete with Carrie’s party foul as she spills her martini.

Miranda, meanwhile, is getting head in the cab. Maybe that’s a bit too far. But parked cars are okay, right?

Charlotte makes a return to Buster, who wants to give away some shoes in exchange for rubbing Charlotte’s feet. And this is how Charlotte met a foot fetishist who enabled her bad habit.

Just as Charlotte gets on her high horse over Miranda’s public displays of sex, she gets humbled by the girls for accepting her free high heels. She does the honorable thing and attempts to return them. She can’t, but winds up trying on several pairs of shoes for Buster. It’s a very awkward time.

Later, Carrie greets Big with cheap food that she makes to sound French for being Le Bitch. Big rebuffs Carrie’s offer to move to Paris with him. Then Carrie explodes again because it seems that Big doesn’t even care about the “us” between them and would rather put an ocean between them. And so they break up, despite their love. Their painful love.

Speaking of painful, Stanford has to meet his date from the web. Turns out that the dress code at the club is under wear only. More on this later.

Because Miranda finally gets to have sex with her fling in the bedroom. While his parents watch. Nevermind. Creepy.

Just as Stanford is about to give up, thinking he was stood up, a cute young guy compliments his undies, which are French, and probably the most French thing in this episode. They hit it off and share a drink.

Carrie is still awake later when Big comes over. Having said everything, they wordlessly make love. Carrie knows it’s over. She says so the next morning and gives up Big to distant Paris.

For the first time in a while, we get a truly good episode with this one. It deftly treats all the characters’ various experiences with fetish in appropriate ways, wether with humor or understanding, and furthers the drama of the plot. I always feel like this one is a season finale, but fortunately there’s more season two left.

Sex and the City Re-watch Recap: Evolution

Miranda is at her gynecologist. Her sex life has become so dull that she’s dropping her birth control, which doesn’t sound like such a good idea anyway, but overly dramatic people will say anything to get attention.

Then her doctor tells her that she’s got a lazy ovary. Apparently, that will make it harder for her to have kids. Charlotte has a tilted uterus, she says at breakfast or whatever meal they’re having, so she too is reproductively challenged.

Is the light funny, or am I just seeing a lot of foreshadows?

Samantha complains about her lady parts doctor, that all that digging around with a bill instead of a climax is no fun.

About as fun as dropping condoms out of your purse, which Carrie does to fit in with the theme of the conversation. She complains that she doesn’t have a place for her things at Big’s so she has to become a mobile prophylactic center.

While sharing underwear stories, Miranda brings up now ex Steve and her ovary’s condition. Way to kill the convo, dear.

In an attempt to stake her claim on Big’s life, Carrie begins leaving things at his place. Watch the snow ball snow ball from here.

Charlotte decides to take a vacation from men by having dinner with a gay friend (the best kind). Everything is just fabulous, until he kisses her good night. Is this gay friend policy, now?

It’s at this point that the episode indulges in more judgmental categorizing that only makes sense in New York, and thus makes sense to no one except the writers of this episode.

Is he a gay straight man, or a straight gay man? Thanks, girls, for making things needlessly more complicated.

Speaking of complications, Samantha spots an ex who dumped her while Miranda junks up her drinks with hormones for her ovary and Carrie brags about her tiny purse and her first “Big” dump.

Now Charlotte’s world is rocked. Not only is a gay man asking her on dates, and Carrie is doing the number 2 at a boyfriend’s place (scandalous!), she discovers Samantha actually loved a man once, and that he broke her heart.

So Samantha strides over, determined to one up him by seducing him and then ditching him out if spite.

Big is also feeling a bit of spite, by bringing Carrie’s things back to her. How thoughtful. Carrie hashes it out with him, and Big fails to see what the deal is, because he is more than happy with their separation of things.

This gets Carrie thinking about the episode’s thin as ice theme, about women evolving. Let’s skip pondering it and just skip ahead to Samantha putting her plan into action.

But first, Charlotte tries her date with the gay man, who continues to baffle her, by alternately out gaying himself, and putting the moves on her.

Samantha changes her plan when she sleeps with her ex.

Charlotte also alters her plan to solve the mystery of sexuality by bringing Carrie and Stanford in to meet the baffling boyfriend. Even Stanford’s gaydar doesn’t seem to work. Unlike many gay men I know, Stanford immediately concedes without the snarkiest of comments that Stefan in straight.

Meanwhile, Miranda accepts a date with a by the numbers straight man who is fighting his male pattern balding with hair plugs, and plugs up Miranda’s ovary problem with typical chauvinism.

He shows no sympathy toward her fertility issues, and actually insults Miranda’s thoughts on the matter. She shuts him and his lazy receding hairline down, and has a date with vodka at home instead of with this creep.

While Miranda cools down with a chilled cocktail, Charlotte and Stefan heat up other kinds of tails, all to the music of Cher. Charlotte finally confronts him on his sexuality. He explains rather deftly that if he were gay, he’s set up for it quite well, but he just isn’t into peen like he is Cher. And Charlotte.

So maybe, and implausibly, he is straight after all.

The next morning, Samantha’s plan backfires. She lingered too long with the man she loved, delayed too long her revenge, and Dominic dumps her again. Maybe she wasn’t that kind of woman after all, but Dominic was still an ass hat.

Also the next morning, Charlotte is enjoying the most fabulous post-coital brunch any woman has ever had with a man until a mouse invades their gay little time. Between Stefan acting more girly about it than her and the fact that his fabulous abode was infested with mice, Charlotte calls it quits.

Also that morning, Carrie decides to be passive aggressive about the whole leaving things issue, and gets ready to remove herself. However, she finds a photo of her and Big stashed away which reminds her that having her there really does mean something to Big, even if he doesn’t want her crap lying around.